Another day, another affidavit

Looks like the need for the affidavits isn't over yet.

Among the documents requested by Shri Ram School is an affidavit stating my address, the name of my daughter, that she is my first and only child and the date we moved to India.

Thankfully, they have provided a set proforma for the same - which I took to the Patiala House district courts on Wednesday.

My usual lawyer wasn't there, but his typist and office boy were.

The office boy recognised me straightaway. You did take four or five of these recently, didn't you? I nodded. No problems, we can do this for you. It'll cost you 300 rupees. I reminded him that this wasn't a Magistrate's Affidavit and in any case had paid 200 rupees the last time. Don't worry about the price, Sir. Tell me what needs to be done.

I didn't want to wait and asked when the lawyer would come. You don't need him for the affidavit, the typist said. So who will notarise the affidavit? There are many others around who can do it. And he will charge you much more than I would.

And what exactly would the standard affidavit cost me? 100 rupees. I asked him if the word IDIOT was writ large on my face. Why? I reminded him that the lawyer had charged me 80 rupees only. OK, just give me 70 rupees, he said as he started typing the affidavit.

Even though I had seen the set-up before, it impressed me. The main machine was a laptop with Windows Vista on it. This was wirelessly connected to a keyboard and a printer. Months (probably, years) of practice meant the words were flowing quickly.

Unfortunately, the language wasn't as effortless. The typos I could live with, but seeing "for the 2010-2011 academic session" into "for the 2010-2011 academic secession" frightened me a bit. I am not a revolutionary, sir, and have no intentions of breaking up the school. They are the only school to have offered a seat to my daughter.

Thankfully, I read and understand what those words meant. Imagine the plight of an uneducated individual, who is already struggling to make sense of charges against him/her, putting their signature (or more probably, their thumb impression) to:

"I am ____ s/0, d/o, w/o _________ r/o ________ do hereby solemnly affirm and state as follows:

*That I will make myself available at the next secession of the court.

I have read and understood the contents of this Affidavit, which
has been drafted by me / under my instructions and I say that the
contents thereof are true and correct to my knowledge."

Getting the first-born certified

As you would have guessed, I was busy with school admissions and rectifying the mistake on my telephone bill on Thursday.

While all the Online Forms had been submitted before we went on leave, the paper-forms were awaiting our attention once we were back. It was only on Wednesday that I was able to give this attention.

One of the forms insisted on a Magistrate's Affidavit for the First-born to be submitted along with the other documents.

At first, I was confused. How would a Magistrate know who my first-born was, when the only person likely to have that information is me? Did the government insert a secret chip in me, when I was born, which was monitoring my activities all this while? Or something more sinister and secretive?

But it was nothing of the sort. Seems like the schools want to put the fear of God in parents. If you lie under oath to a Magistrate, the consequences would not be pleasant. So better tell the truth!

It worked. Suddenly, those memories of standing outside the Principal's room on a hot summer day came alive. You are meant to wear white shoes on Friday. Your shoes don't look anything like that. They are more the colour of soil. Stand outside the Principal's room till lunch-time. And we will give you a letter that your father has to sign.

So, I went to the Patiala House Courts - near the office - to find a Notary Public. The place is full of lawyers and if you have money, they have the right affidavit. I walked into a lawyer's office, who quoted 200 INR for a Magistrate's Affidavit. If you want a personal affidavit for residence proof, that will be 80 INR.

I needed two of each and asked for some rebate. You are already getting a rebate because you have a girl. It is difficult to catch a Magistrate and get them to sign a document. Plus this guy has to go towards East Delhi and get the signature.

I asked if a Magistrate at the local court was available. They are too busy hearing the cases. We will get a Magistrate's signature for you. But you will only get it tomorrow morning. I paid the money and the lawyer sent off his sidekick to get the 10 INR Non-Judicial Stamp-paper.

It was only when the Magistrate's Affidavit was being printed that I realised how sure a footing this all had. The stamp-paper was signed for in my wife's name, by the side-kick. The actual affidavit was in her name as well and I had to sign for her. And the Magistrate would see neither me nor my wife, but confirm that the contents of the Affidavit were true. Just put the money there, please!

Anyway, what is important is that I got what I wanted, the school got what it wanted and the lawyer got what he wanted. My contribution to the mountain of paperwork, that the school admission forms are, was duly accepted this morning without as much as a glance at it.

As for rectifying the mistake on the telephone bill, it is still in the works. After two calls and a visit, my file was finally traced. The form and all the supporting documents had my name spelt correctly.

So where did the mistake happen? The data-entry guy must have made it. When is it likely to be sorted out? You can see that I have traced the file. This will now be put up to the Assistant General Manager for his approval, who is not in today. Once he approves the change, it will go to the relevant department for the correction to be made. Any idea how long this will take? Four or five days. Can it be done any earlier? Here's your file. Take it and get it done earlier if you want.

So until next week, I will let him be. Then, another phone call and possibly, another visit.