Getting the first-born certified

As you would have guessed, I was busy with school admissions and rectifying the mistake on my telephone bill on Thursday.

While all the Online Forms had been submitted before we went on leave, the paper-forms were awaiting our attention once we were back. It was only on Wednesday that I was able to give this attention.

One of the forms insisted on a Magistrate's Affidavit for the First-born to be submitted along with the other documents.

At first, I was confused. How would a Magistrate know who my first-born was, when the only person likely to have that information is me? Did the government insert a secret chip in me, when I was born, which was monitoring my activities all this while? Or something more sinister and secretive?

But it was nothing of the sort. Seems like the schools want to put the fear of God in parents. If you lie under oath to a Magistrate, the consequences would not be pleasant. So better tell the truth!

It worked. Suddenly, those memories of standing outside the Principal's room on a hot summer day came alive. You are meant to wear white shoes on Friday. Your shoes don't look anything like that. They are more the colour of soil. Stand outside the Principal's room till lunch-time. And we will give you a letter that your father has to sign.

So, I went to the Patiala House Courts - near the office - to find a Notary Public. The place is full of lawyers and if you have money, they have the right affidavit. I walked into a lawyer's office, who quoted 200 INR for a Magistrate's Affidavit. If you want a personal affidavit for residence proof, that will be 80 INR.

I needed two of each and asked for some rebate. You are already getting a rebate because you have a girl. It is difficult to catch a Magistrate and get them to sign a document. Plus this guy has to go towards East Delhi and get the signature.

I asked if a Magistrate at the local court was available. They are too busy hearing the cases. We will get a Magistrate's signature for you. But you will only get it tomorrow morning. I paid the money and the lawyer sent off his sidekick to get the 10 INR Non-Judicial Stamp-paper.

It was only when the Magistrate's Affidavit was being printed that I realised how sure a footing this all had. The stamp-paper was signed for in my wife's name, by the side-kick. The actual affidavit was in her name as well and I had to sign for her. And the Magistrate would see neither me nor my wife, but confirm that the contents of the Affidavit were true. Just put the money there, please!

Anyway, what is important is that I got what I wanted, the school got what it wanted and the lawyer got what he wanted. My contribution to the mountain of paperwork, that the school admission forms are, was duly accepted this morning without as much as a glance at it.

As for rectifying the mistake on the telephone bill, it is still in the works. After two calls and a visit, my file was finally traced. The form and all the supporting documents had my name spelt correctly.

So where did the mistake happen? The data-entry guy must have made it. When is it likely to be sorted out? You can see that I have traced the file. This will now be put up to the Assistant General Manager for his approval, who is not in today. Once he approves the change, it will go to the relevant department for the correction to be made. Any idea how long this will take? Four or five days. Can it be done any earlier? Here's your file. Take it and get it done earlier if you want.

So until next week, I will let him be. Then, another phone call and possibly, another visit.