That's my identity you are rolling!

Details of the journey to Yercaud will have to wait another day.

For the past couple of days I have been busy with my efforts to re-establish (or create) an identity in India. But before I tell you more, a word of advice. If any of you is contemplating a return after a prolonged stay abroad, open an account with the public-sector State Bank of India and get a phone from public-sector Mahanagar Telephone Nigam Limited as soon as you can.

You may not like the services either of these offer, but they still hold the magical key to getting an identity in India.

An MTNL phone is still seen as a valid proof of residence as is an SBI bank passbook/statement. If you have any of these, it will be relatively less hassle acquiring a Permanent Account Number (PAN) Card and a Driving License - which then gives you a proper official identity.

In my case, it is also an important part of the jigsaw to secure school admission for my daughter.

On Monday, I went to the local Transport Office in south Delhi to update my driving licence. The licence still has the address it was issued to, about 17 years ago. In that time, my parents have moved three homes and all my sisters and I have moved out and have our families and homes.

Part of the reason it didn't get updated was that I have been away. Part of it is the process is quite scary. None of the tens of forms that the Enquiry Office issues relates to the change of address on a driving licence. What one has to use instead is Duplicate/Lost Licence form.

On filling this up, I realised the importance of SBI and MTNL. A proof of residence was needed and if you didn't have an Indian Passport, Voter's Identity Card, Ration Card or a Registered Tenancy Agreement, these two would still be good.

Unfortunately, I am working to a tight timescale and don't have time to open an SBI account and wait for it to be operational. So, I went to the MTNL office near my home and got a duplicate copy of my phone bill.

Another visit and about half-an-hour in the queue and the form was deposited. Since I had an old licence, physical records had to be checked and verified before they did anything. That would take at least a week and after that it could be another week (if all goes well) for the licence to start making its way to me.

Fortunately, I bumped into a Transport official known to me through my Dad. Needless to add, the wonders of having friends in high places was suddenly obvious. Two-week process was now a couple of hours' worth of effort as I sipped a hot cuppa in the office of my acquaintance.

The licence could be on its way to me had a crucial piece of kit not gone for some kind of "recharging". Which means that I won't have it handy for the "Document Verification" that some schools have called us for this week.

I still had the MTNL bill, I thought. But that confidence was short lived. When I got home in the evening, the monthly bill from the telephone utility had arrived with a different surname. This despite a couple of documents and a hand-filled form with the name and surname written in capital letters!!

So, this morning I went to get the mistake rectified. The drill was something I was well acquainted with but had forgotten in the last 10 years. Sorry it can't be done at this office. You will have to go to the office that booked the phone for you. You may need to write an application. They will then check your records and make the changes in our different systems.

An auto-rickshaw ride and 30 minutes later, I was in the office that booked my phone. It was nearly 10.30 am and none of the senior officials had arrived for the 10.00 am start. One of the officers appeared around 10.40 and said You can write a letter saying 'Dear Sir, I had booked my phone in such and such name and the bill has come with such and such name. Can the mistake be please rectified at the earliest'?

I asked where the form had to be deposited. You have to go three floors below to our Commercial Section. I had been there and explained the situation but the clerks there wouldn't help. This is the best I can offer. You can maybe request them to provide you a letter saying that a correction has been made.

The clerk downstairs asked for a copy of the PAN card to be attached to the letter. I asked where the photocopier was. You will have to go outside and look for one in the market. We don't have a photocopying machine here. I must mention that this is one of India's biggest telecoms companies we are talking about.

Then one of the other guys had mercy and said the copy of PAN is not needed. It would be in the original application. OK, then. Leave your number and I'll give you a call once this is done said the guy as he rolled my letter in his hands.

A part of me wanted to scream - Be careful with that, Mister. That's my identity that you are rolling in your hands. But as any of you who have dealt with lower-level government staff in India would know, they can definitely mess your situation even if they cannot solve it.