This account makes no statement!

OK. I admit there hasn't been much activity on this blog. After 7 posts each in January and February, only 3 came through in March and 1 in April.

What is more shocking, though, is not even the most loyal of my readers (and there are quite a few of you) nudged me about it.

So, here is my revenge - a second post of the day. Aw'right, I admit that the first one only contained pictures from the recent trip along the Indian highways....but it is something!

The little one has been going to school for almost two weeks now. It should have been three, but she wasn't well all of last week. A chance visit to a swimming pool resulted in an infection that needed antibiotics.

Before you ask, yes, she is fine now. Dropped her off at school on my way to work.

In case I haven't mentioned already, the little one managed to secure a place in Shri Ram School. It is a good school and quite a few her mates from her Montessori are there as well. It is quite expensive too - 45,000 INR at the time of admission, and another 22,000 INR top-up fee as "school fees may be subject to change". That'll be almost 4000 INR a day, considering the little one will only have 20 days of school in the first term!

Quite pricey, some would say. But remember this is a different Delhi we are talking about. This kind of money doesn't make people break a sweat, definitely not at this school. Heck, some parents thought I was whingeing too much when the topic of top-up fee was brought up.

The notice to pay up had come in an Account Statement. No letter. No explanation. Just a request to pay the said amount by the said date.

It would have been helpful to know the reasons for a hike - considering it was a 50% hike. The inflation rate in India is currently 11%, so surely that wasn't the reason. And as far as I know, good teachers and educational material hasn't seen a sudden surge in prices.

The little one's school diary did mention that we should "let a child's imagination soar", but even she couldn't work up a reasonable explanation for this. Sorry, that was a bad joke!

As I mentioned above, fellow parents didn't an issue being made of just a missing explanation. We were all waiting in a queue outside the school uniform shop. The shop only had socks and t-shirts, but didn't have any shorts. Even the socks and t-shirts were in short supply.

Parents with other kids in the school said this had been happening for years. I wondered if this said something about the school's attitude towards parents' time. Nothing at all, a Mum emphatically told me. They are very good with feedback. They listen to everything you have to say.

I told her that accepting criticism is the best disarming tactic in the book. The key thing is whether something has been done to resolve the problem.

The Mum was startled by my petulance. They do a lot of good stuff. They reach out to less privileged kids. They allow kids from poorer backgrounds to study in the school. They have modern teaching methods and they are very good with kids. I told her this was impressive but it still didn't sort out the supply of uniforms or an explanation for a fee hike.

I got the look that is very familiar to me from my childhood days. You spend too much time asking needless questions. Why don't you spend some of that time studying properly and getting good marks? I hear you, Mum. I hear you.

I still don't know why the fee was raised. The little one, though, is very happy at the school. Every day, she is excited about going to school. Every day, she wants to play a bit longer at the school. Every day, she is reminiscing what she did at the school.

Interactive school and dishonest godmen

Had an interesting weekend.

On Saturday, we were invited to an Interactive Session at one of the schools we have applied for the admission of the little one.

Along with the other parents scheduled for this 11.00 pm interactivity, we were taken to the school's auditorium.

The auditorium had chairs arranged in six semi-circles. Based on some magic formula (which I couldn't crack, obviously), we were made to sit in one of those semi-circles.

In front of us was the big stage and I was worried they may ask the parents to debate Modern parents and schooling or How schools shape societies or some such topic. I have always been crap at debating, but a failure here could affect the future of my child.

But then again, they could ask parents to sing or dance or come up with an interesting or convincing act. You know, a show like This Dad's Got Talent or Mum's X Factor.

Fortunately neither happened. The parents were taken to different rooms (based on the semi-circle they were sitting in) with tiny chairs and tables.

The task was answering the following questions. What do you think about reading to children and why? What value would you like the child to learn at school? What do you do at home to teach child responsibility? List your child's hobbies. What made you choose School X for your child?

There was no time-frame, but you clearly had 30 minutes or so - considering that the interactivity sessions were scheduled every hour and it would take 10 minutes either side of a session. So I got to it straightaway.

Soon, we were joined by a young Ma'am who had the responsibility to verify our documents. It didn't matter that she didn't know the difference between an original and the photocopy. She was the one holding an important document and the pen to mark on it. A few ticks on a sheet and she was off.

Another Ma'am joined soonafter, this time to find out about our little one. A quick pitch and some pleasant smiles later, she had moved too. All around us, we could hear parents talking about their child being "musical" or "creative" or "talented". No one was saying "my child watches TV the whole time and I would be glad to have him out of the house as soon as possible". Or that "I hope you are impressed with my answers. I am a bit nervous about that look".

Anyway, that was too much of distraction. I focused on the task at hand - writing a tome about a creative and talented child, who loves reading and is taught responsibility through small tasks and would benefit if the school taught her the virtues of hard work and empathy.

I didn't have any more original thoughts to share, so handed over my worksheet and walked out of the school - hoping and praying that I hadn't let down my little one.

On Sunday, we had planned to take a friend to see Old Delhi and Jama Masjid. The friend was visiting from London and we wanted her to see as much of Delhi as possible.

Though the day was grim - foggy, grey and cold (like winter in South-East England) - we decide to stick to the plan.

With Delhi preparing for the Republic Day, there were too many cops on the road. Something I hadn't noticed during my auto-rickshaw rides during weekdays, but was quite conscious of while driving myself. Most roads leading to the President's House to India Gate stretch were closed too for the practice of Republic Day parade.

Thankfully, the roads were empty and we were in Rajiv Chowk (known better as Connaught Place) soon. A trip in Delhi Metro was also part of the plan, and it is always a more sensible (and less stressful) way to get to Old Delhi.

Even though it was almost midday, Old Delhi hadn't woken up. Most shops had their shutters down. Some people were getting groomed or having a bath by the street-side. Some were burning plastic bags or papers to keep themselves warm. Some others were waiting outside food stalls to eat freshly-prepared poori-subzi.

Jama Masjid had closed for prayers by the time we reached it. So, a decision was taken to go to Karim's and have our lunch first. For those who don't know, Karim's is nearly a century old in existence and many centuries old in terms of the cuisine it offers. Time magazine has even rated it as among the top restaurants of Asia.

We ordered Chicken Burra, Mutton Korma, Chicken Jehagiri, Seekh Kabab and three different types of breads - Sheermal, Naan and Roomali Roti. All of it was yummy and we probably overate ;-)

Jama Masjid was, as usual, majestic. We have been there countless times and it never ceases to impress me. Its three domes and two minarets are beautiful and the courtyard can hold up to 25,000 worshippers. On a regular day like Sunday, though, the only permanent occupants of the courtyard are hundreds of pigeons.

The only thing that stood out was foreigners clad in strange, multi-coloured and ill-fitting gowns. It dawned later that the people manning a particular gate use it as an easy way of making money. Even though the women tourists are covered appropriately, they are told it is mandatory to wear the gowns before entering the mosque. The charge of "borrowing" one is 200 INR (£3) or more.

I walked up to one of those guys to protest that this wasn't right. You are making a fool of someone who is respecting your culture and sentiments. The mute guy was very angry with me, threatening to cut off my neck and asking me to leave the mosque. I knew he had no right to do, but it didn't sensible to pick up a fight.

The cops of duty down the stairs seem aware of this racket. They are the Imam's (Grand Priest) men. Have you seen the mosque? You can go in through one of the other gates.

Getting the first-born certified

As you would have guessed, I was busy with school admissions and rectifying the mistake on my telephone bill on Thursday.

While all the Online Forms had been submitted before we went on leave, the paper-forms were awaiting our attention once we were back. It was only on Wednesday that I was able to give this attention.

One of the forms insisted on a Magistrate's Affidavit for the First-born to be submitted along with the other documents.

At first, I was confused. How would a Magistrate know who my first-born was, when the only person likely to have that information is me? Did the government insert a secret chip in me, when I was born, which was monitoring my activities all this while? Or something more sinister and secretive?

But it was nothing of the sort. Seems like the schools want to put the fear of God in parents. If you lie under oath to a Magistrate, the consequences would not be pleasant. So better tell the truth!

It worked. Suddenly, those memories of standing outside the Principal's room on a hot summer day came alive. You are meant to wear white shoes on Friday. Your shoes don't look anything like that. They are more the colour of soil. Stand outside the Principal's room till lunch-time. And we will give you a letter that your father has to sign.

So, I went to the Patiala House Courts - near the office - to find a Notary Public. The place is full of lawyers and if you have money, they have the right affidavit. I walked into a lawyer's office, who quoted 200 INR for a Magistrate's Affidavit. If you want a personal affidavit for residence proof, that will be 80 INR.

I needed two of each and asked for some rebate. You are already getting a rebate because you have a girl. It is difficult to catch a Magistrate and get them to sign a document. Plus this guy has to go towards East Delhi and get the signature.

I asked if a Magistrate at the local court was available. They are too busy hearing the cases. We will get a Magistrate's signature for you. But you will only get it tomorrow morning. I paid the money and the lawyer sent off his sidekick to get the 10 INR Non-Judicial Stamp-paper.

It was only when the Magistrate's Affidavit was being printed that I realised how sure a footing this all had. The stamp-paper was signed for in my wife's name, by the side-kick. The actual affidavit was in her name as well and I had to sign for her. And the Magistrate would see neither me nor my wife, but confirm that the contents of the Affidavit were true. Just put the money there, please!

Anyway, what is important is that I got what I wanted, the school got what it wanted and the lawyer got what he wanted. My contribution to the mountain of paperwork, that the school admission forms are, was duly accepted this morning without as much as a glance at it.

As for rectifying the mistake on the telephone bill, it is still in the works. After two calls and a visit, my file was finally traced. The form and all the supporting documents had my name spelt correctly.

So where did the mistake happen? The data-entry guy must have made it. When is it likely to be sorted out? You can see that I have traced the file. This will now be put up to the Assistant General Manager for his approval, who is not in today. Once he approves the change, it will go to the relevant department for the correction to be made. Any idea how long this will take? Four or five days. Can it be done any earlier? Here's your file. Take it and get it done earlier if you want.

So until next week, I will let him be. Then, another phone call and possibly, another visit.

Get to the school, quick!

The school admission season has begun in Delhi.

Unlike past years, when different schools had their own schedule, this year all the schools have to adhere to the schedule charted by the Department of Education. This means the parents aren't choking the only telephone line the school has or making endless trips there to check if the process has begun.

December 15 was the day the process kicked off and I reached the closest school at 8 in the morning. The idea was to get in and grab a form before the crowds arrived. Unfortunately, another 30-odd parents were thinking the same and had already reached the school-gate.

During my stay in Hounslow (London) and Caversham (Reading), the key factor was being reasonably close to a good school. But in Delhi, even that isn't good enough. We are within 3-4 kilometers of six of the best schools in Delhi, but will probably need to fill in the applications for all of them. Still there is no guarantee that the application will be successful.

For starters, there is the issue of the proof of residence. A Rent Deed/Agreement isn't accepted as a proof of residence. The rare school that accepts it, wants you to be staying at the address for at least six months before making the application. In an increasingly liberalised India, the proof of residence is still the Voter ID Card, Driving License, National Food Distribution Card, a Phone/Electricity Bill issued by the government-owned utility company. Having been away from India for 10 years, and in our own accommodation for less than two months, we are in a tricky situation.

Admission in Delhi schools is based on a points-system. Being a girl is good. Being a first-born is also good. Staying locally is helpful. Having a single parent is also helpful. But a sibling studying in the same school or a parent who is an alumni is super-good.

Some schools allocate points on crisp, considered and well-articulated views on education, education in a particular school and education with kids from different walks of life.

The educational and professional achievements of the parents don't attract any points, but are to be mentioned in the forms. And a couple of schools even want the parents' photos to be submitted with the application.

In keeping with the times, some schools facilitate the submission of form electronically. But as I have discovered of late, school sites seem to attract frequent malware attacks. So, the search engines and browsers stop you from accessing the sites with a message "this site may be harmful to your computer".

Looks like it'll have to be a paper application and that dreaded feeling of being marked on your responses. They better be good otherwise your parents (in the current scenario, wife and child) won't be happy. No wonder then that this dread of exams make me take the first escape-hatch out of education.

Right now, the biggest issue is proving I actually live in the house that I say I do. Making amendments to the Electricity Bill means supplying a No Objection Certificate prepared by a Notary, photocopy of the ownership, last paid bill, two photos and a proof of identity. That would be fun with a hard-of-hearing landlord, who is suspicious of any requests for help.

Getting a new telephone connection requires a proof of identity too. The proof could be Voter ID Card, Driving License or National Food Distribution Card, and a copy of the Rent Deed. Hang on, is the rent deed an Agreement or a Registered document?